Have you ever found yourself in an
incredible relationship
yet already within the first 3 months
you’realready walking on eggshells?
It’s not that he is behaving badly or done anything wrong, it’s just that you haven’t felt this happy about a guy in a very long time – and it’s freaking you out!
Even though things are going so well, you have this anxiety – this knot in your stomach – this fear that this happiness will be taken away from you in a snap.
You find yourself tip toeing around doing you’re best not to rock the boat because you’re so desperate to keep him happy.
And because you can’t remember EVER feeling this way about a guy, your heart is in a panic at how to keep things feeling so perfect and beautiful.
Even though things are going great in the relationship, you have this narrative running in your head.
“When are we going to have our first fight?”
“When is he going to realize I’m not good enough for him?”
“I hope he wants a future with me – ‘cus I’m sick of wasting time.”
Having all those thoughts swimming in you’re head is totally understandable, and I don’t’ blame you at all for feeling that way – it’s natural for us to want protect our hearts from disappointments and hurt.
HOWEVER, we are doing a lot of damage to ourselves and the potential to have a beautiful connection by hanging on to this attitude of “not being worthy” of having a great relationship.
The effect of all of this fear of tip toeing around him and trying so hard to be perfect– the end result is that you start to hang on to the past or jump ahead to the future.
This anxious and fear based mindset leads you to be consumed about the past or future – things that are done and over with or things out of your control.
You start to dissect all his words, and obsess about him not texting you back or phoning you when he said he would.
You turn everyone you meet into your new therapist – asking them what they think about what he did…
You start sleeping badly, and slowly get consumed by the stress and anxiety of your relationship.
You so badly want things to work out and have a happy ever after with him, yet you’re so afraid of having your heart broken yet again that you’ve started to lose that spark that drew him to you in the first place.
I know self reflection can be hard, but do you think your more desirable and attractive to your man whenyou’re confident and feeling good about yourself and your life, or when you’re in a permanent state of anxiety because your too obsessed with the past or future?
Do you feel more desirable and relaxed when you have the self-belief that your man cherishes you,or do you feel attractive, living in a state of fear and anxiety that he might leave you at any moment?
It may be a harsh way of looking at things, but sometimes the truth hurts and sets us free.
Do you feel better about yourself and your life when you’re living in the moment and enjoying what’s in front of you, or do you feel better being consumed by the ‘what if’s’ of the future?
From my experiences with different relationships and life – whenever I’ve been extremely present to what’s unfolding in front of me – not worrying about the past or the future – I’ve felt such inner peace and therefore felt SO happy, and when you’re happy you’re not worried at all, and therefore extremely attractive to (healthy happy) men.
It’s like a math equation:
Being present and living in the moment - letting go of past & future = feeling happy and attractive.
We want to stay in our feminine energy, which is very much a present- in the moment energy.
Next time you feel yourself worrying about your man and trying to make something happen to get a result, I want you as best you can to just become present to the moment – physically and energetically wave good-bye to those thoughts of the past or future that are keeping you in your masculine energy – in your head.
Follow this
Romance Ritual
when you start to feel anxious about your dating life.
1. Close your eyes, big inhale, HUGE exhale.
2. Drop your shoulders, let your face soften
3. On the count of 3, 1 -2 -3… drop ALL your thoughts about him
below your head, into your heart and down into your pelvis.
4. Feel your heart, feel all the emotions going on in there, be present with them – be present with yourself.
I want you to remember, the right man for you won’t need to be reminded that you’re in his life.
So, if you’ve been dating a guy, and he’s slowly pulling away, or suddenly stopped calling – practice this Romance Ritual, and just let that attachment to him calling you back or making plans with you, let that attachment go.
Let go of attaching your happiness to him.
Make your own plans, do things for yourself, be present to yourself and have fun with yourself. You will feel so much more empowered and happier about your life.
You might have the urge to invite him along, or call him up to check in on him – so he doesn’t forget about you and lose interest - but please don’t!
“Why not?” you ask
Pressuring a man by constantly reaching out to him when his level of interest in you doesn’t match yours, shows him you’re feeling desperate and needy, and he understand that he has all the power in the connection.
The reality is, if you’re the woman for him you won’t need to be chasing him,
he’ll be chasing you!
Your love receiving battery might be dead – if you’ve forgotten what it feels like to have a man be excited about you that’s a good indicator your battery needs charging.
Remember what it felt like to have a man pursue you and make plans, buy you flowers, and follow up further with more dates and fun? And following up even more with a serious commitment?
This is all coming from him, not you. All you have to do is be the feminine energy receiver and be present to him unfolding in front of you.
If a man goes cold on you, get busy with your own life, he might need a few weeks to figure out how awesome you really are, but don’t sit around at home waiting for him.
Get off your couch get out there; keep your life full and juicy.
If you’re over giving, over loving and over nurturing because you think that will make him want you more (remember giving in hopes of getting a result is a masculine way of being), that will just make him feel pressured that he has to do the same and can push him away.
You may ask,
“ Well, Dana, what in the world am I supposed to do then to do?”
The solution is simple: Make your life – your reality – incredible for YOU.
If you really love and enjoy the life you live and your happiness is not dependent on having a man in it, men will be so drawn to you and your happy fulfilling life, that he will do almost anything to be a part of it and share it with you.
It’s not about having a checklist and ticking off relationship timeline targets, such as meeting the friends by week 3, and the parents by week 5 and getting him to say ‘I love you’ as soon as possible.
Let all those things unfold on their own without any pressure and influence from you.
Live in the moment, be present, smile have fun and don’t sweat the small stuff. Really enjoy the moments you share together – he will feel your vibe of being so present – and this will be extremely attractive and rare to him.
What you want, what ALL of us want, is a man who has claimed you all by himself – without any pestering from you to do so.
If you’re happy with yourself and your life, he will feel so happy when he’s with you, that he will associate you with feeling happy.
If you send him nagging texts demanding to know where he is, who is with and what he’s up to, you will be cancelling out the feel good equation fully as you wont be living in the present – you’re worried about what he’s doing.
Remember to practice your Romance Ritual to help you soften and relax into the moment and maintain that present energy.
If you need to take away only one thing from this article remember this: If he’s the RIGHT man for you, he will step up his game, and commit to you.
If he’s the WRONG man for you,
you will feel like you’re never a priority in his life,
he will put minimal effort
and investment into you.
WHICH IS WHY – it’s so important to have a happy fulfilling life that’s your own, so if you do accidently end up with a “Mr. Wrong” it’s easier to get over him because you have such a great life anyway!
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I hope to hear from you soon,